My own Biography

Odd isn’t it. I could have called it an Autobiography or rather given a fancy title like various famous personalities. Since I am way too lazy to write about myself, I would suggest someone take up this noble job of writing an ode to this noble man on earth. First things first, what started this idea. I recently read the biography of Jack Welch, the former CEO of General Electric (most importantly was married twice), called Straight from the Gut. It sparked an inspiration to have a biography written about me.

The first thing I had to do after coming to this decision was to flip through as many biographies possible to know what exactly people have written about themselves. But found everything boring to go beyond 14 pages. Damn them, why do people resort to having biographies written only when they cross 60. Had someone written it at the age of 22, it could have saved me enormous time, to make a few alterations and call it “Straight from the Gutter”. So, I was forced to do it the hard way.

I googled for resources and got an agenda from http://www.biographies.com/dosforstarters.html:

  1. Find an Author
  2. Tell about yourself
  3. Think of a Creative Title.
  4. Find a publisher
  5. Bingo!! You are one of those Losers i.e. you are Famous.

World, Here I come!!!

I had to find someone who was extremely jobless and make him the author. Basically, I feel biography writers are jobless, coz they spend much time seeing others live and forget their lives. This is my opinion only, but statistics say around 87 % of the people, whom the question was put across, felt the same. But, I found one. Her name was Isabella Turner. I found her through Amazon.com and she offered her services @ 4$ an hour. Quite cheap for a girl you might think. No! No! That’s not what I mean. Corrupt minds. I was speaking about authoring and proof reading services. By the way, you can check her profile in Face book; she is in my friends list. She is from Orlando, Florida and lives alone. Oops! Coming back to the topic, I was stuck at the second stage. What do I tell about myself? Daily routines can’t be put in a book, so it better be some achievements. That was the advice I got. So, I went on to list down my achievements. First, I was the National Champion in the State level Sloka Competition in my 4th standard. Next, I was the All India Rank Holder in District Level G.K quiz conducted by my school. Fine, I need not brag about myself, you can get to read it in my book, if you can find one. Because, my publisher says there is an outrageous demand for my books, but I can get a few copies just for my favourite readers.

My author was facing a tough task of compiling all my achievements in a book and even requested me to put it in two volumes. But I insisted, having my readers’ interest in mind, on keeping it in a single book. So, all I had to do was think of a title. Let me come back to that later. To my great surprise I found my mailbox flooding with publishers’ proposals to print my book. Jeez! My book was such an outcry and a multi-bagger amongst the publishers. I chose the deserved one named, Guru Publishers, it had my name in it.

The D-Day finally came up. I invited the President of World Bank and Swami Nithyanandha, as both were famous in at least one form of the media, to release my book. But, I was astounded that none turned up for the event. The hall was filled with Interpol officers. Something was wrong. Great find dude, when you have a hall filled with gun wielding officers, I bet it is not something wrong, someone has screwed me up. It seems that the ^#**@ Isabella was the leader of the banned group called A.K.J.J.T in Serbia and she had used my book to spread the philosophy of Blood and Money. I don’t even know where Serbia is or wtf A.K.J.J.T means? But, I am the only person not being an Interpol officer in the whole building.

But, it has been 20 years since that fateful day and things have changed now. I sit here in my room, watching the sea and I am going to spend the rest of my life reading my biography – “The Free Bird” at this place called Guantanamo Bay. I better start writing something like Mein Kampf and become famous like the little mushi man. Can someone find me a publisher please!!!

I thought I was running at fast pace,

But, found that it was an endless rat race,

Wish I had an untainted author,

This caged Nocturnal bird would still sing forever.

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Shiva
    Jun 17, 2010 @ 05:03:04

    Before I started reading this, I had a wonderfully pleasurable Headache. Even afrer reading it, I have headache, BUT, during the three minutes which I took to read this, I unfortunately had no headache.

    Wonderful concept.

    Flip side – Could have waited and tuned it up and could have been a far better write up.

    In your eagerness, you have created one Aayirathil Oruvan, which I fear only few Shall understand.

    Note: I used the word few and not a few.

    Good Luck

    Shiva

    Reply

  2. Shiva
    Jun 17, 2010 @ 05:05:02

    Congrats for getting kicked a 1000 times da

    Shiva

    Reply

  3. Ramprashanth
    Jun 17, 2010 @ 05:38:53

    good one da…

    Reply

  4. kartik111087
    Jun 17, 2010 @ 12:56:45

    De as shiva said, the concept was very good , but nothing was appealing for me in this.

    I feel the concept didn’t reach the audience as you would have expected when you wrote. Bring in such new concepts and deliver it better so ur concept is well appreciated.

    It was to be a basha but ended up being a baba. all the best for Chandramukhi.

    Reply

  5. Nivetitha
    Jun 18, 2010 @ 01:49:30

    Hey.. But this reminds me of Guru?!?!

    Reply

  6. Anand
    Jun 19, 2010 @ 18:48:59

    nice machi that achivements u done was superb, y u forget to tell about that u r a good mirudhangam player, ok edhuku eppo nee nithyananda va invite panni avara distrub panra he is busy with police and court . u done good . keep going …………..

    Reply

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